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Community Corner

How to Deal with Stranger Danger

Fenton counselors share techniques parents can use to educate their children about personal safety.

There are fire drills and tornado drills, but what about abduction drills?

During the past month, there has been a and .

Fenton parent Kelly Suttenberg said the stories terrified her, but she and her husband have been completely upfront and honest with their children about the situations.

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“We have talked with our kids about what happened and told them to kick, bite and scream if anyone tries to grab them.”

Local officials said the Suttenbers' strategy is a good one.

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“My recommendation is to simply give children the facts available and be careful to not pass on any of your own anxiety," said William McDonald, a licensed social worker with McDonald & Kimball PLC in Fenton. "Only then will most kids even consider listening. And remember, they hear, whether or not they let us know.”

Sherry Daniels, a licensed professional counselor with Ascend Counseling Services in Fenton, explained that the amount of information a parent provides depends on the child. Some children are simply more friendly, fearless or defiant than others. Those children need more information to understand that their safety depends on them doing the right thing. It is equally important to give children the tools to make a safe decision that helps them to feel confident in their world — not anxious and fearful.

Code words and scenarios

Daniels added that children need to be told never go to or with a stranger, no matter what the stranger says to them. She advises parents and children to agree on a code word that only they know, such as spaghetti or hearts and rainbows. Children need to know that if there is a real emergency, the parent will have someone use the code word. This will help the child feel confident that they are safe to go with the adult.

“Parents and children can practice different scenarios that could take place," she said. "For example, someone asking for directions: Someone says to your child, 'Your mommy/daddy is in trouble’; someone says, 'I have a puppy/kitten, do you want to see?' ”

If the child does not hear the code word, he or she should say, "I can't talk to strangers," or "I can't go with you," and then run away, said Daniels.

McDonald said practice scenarios are OK, but only if the adults leading them can remain free of their own anxieties. Anxiety is transmitted to children much more efficiently and readily than words or actions, he said, and it becomes worse if adults disallow the children to speak about the issue because it triggers and/or reinforces their own anxieties.

“We have not gone through practice drills or even talked with our kids about what they should look for to identify someone — these are great points and are things parents should be aware of,” said Suttenberg. “What would be helpful is if the community would hold a town meeting to inform parents and children what they should say and do regarding these situations.”  

Safety around strangers

Chief Rick Aro said the recent reported incidents were nothing to panic about, but he said parents should always keep a close eye on their children and talk to them about safety around strangers.

“I think it is real important to talk to kids and make sure they know what to do when approached by a stranger," Aro said. "They need to leave the area immediately and go to someone they trust to get help.”

Fenton parents Shannon Smith and Lauren Parks said the only reason their families knew about the attempted abductions was because of a phone call from through the Honeywell Alert System. Smith and Parks strongly agree that it would be very helpful if the schools continued to call parents throughout the summer to report any suspicious incidents regarding child safety.

“I believe that parents, churches, schools and communities always need to be teaching our children life skills — to be aware of their surroundings and intuition so that they recognize and speak up when they know a situation is not right,” said Parks.

Daniels said people should know their neighbors and neighborhood; a neighborhood watch is useful, she said. Residents should also check the sex offender lists and be aware of who is around them, she advised.

“Oftentimes, people only hear about the events that involve strangers," Parks said. "I don't want my children paranoid and anti-social toward people they don't know, when the danger could more likely come from the people they are close to.”

McDonald stated, “I'm very certain that children live in much more real danger from violence within their own family and household, as well as simply by riding in the family car of an ordinary family.” 

Increase child safety

Daniels reminds parents that the goal is not to scare children and make them feel like their world is scary, but to give them tools to feel like they have control and know what to do. 

What families can do to increase child safety:

  • Be honest and talk with each other.
  • Adults should be careful to not pass on their own anxiety and fears to their children.
  • Choose a special code word and make sure each child knows it.
  • Practice scenarios.
  • Have children practice describing people and details.
  • Get to know your neighbors.
  • Establish a neighborhood watch.
  • Check the sex offender registry.
  • Be aware that most children are harmed by a friend or relative.
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