Middle School Advice

I hope the title isn’t misleading. 

I don’t actually have any middle school advice—I’m currently searching for any available information to help my kids navigate their way through without drowning.  It’s my daughter I worry about the most, mainly because I know what it’s like to be a girl in middle school.  I just want her to get through these next few years feeling confident, empowered, and empathetic toward others.  I want her to remain proud of her academic and athletic accomplishments and stay true to the wonderful person I think she is.  I know it’s not going to be easy.

When I think way back to my own years in junior high, I don’t believe that I actually learned anything academically.  My main concern was figuring out how to be popular and hang out with the “right” people.  Being smart wasn’t the way to become popular, so I stopped caring so much about academics so I could focus on being cool.  I didn’t really recover from that mind-set until midway through 10th grade.  What an idiot.  I blindly refused to listen to anything my own mother had to say, wasted three years, and dumped some of my best friends to be popular.  Luckily, when I came humbly back with tail between my legs, they took me back.  Those are real friends.

I see it happening to girls my daughter’s age already.  Once sweet and innocent, some of these girls are now gossiping, boy-crazy, and trying to climb their way up the popularity pole.  One day everyone gets along, but the next day someone is excluded from the group.  There have been secret “clubs” where one girl holds all the power and the others just follow along.  I am realistic enough to know my own daughter plays a role in all this drama, but I hope she will be smart enough and brave enough to distance herself from all of the hurt and trouble this type of exclusion causes. 

So this summer I am on a mission to learn all I can to get us through these next few years.  I just started reading Queen Bees & Wannabees:  Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence by Rosalind Wiseman.  After just a few chapters, I already see it’s going to be a great reference as I start to talk to my daughter about the social differences in middle school.  I would love to talk with parents who have successfully managed to steer their daughters through those murky middle school waters.

I welcome any advice.  I’m smart enough now to listen.