My life is funny. It took me a long time to realize how funny it really was. Then people close to me started suggesting that I write a book about my life. I have accomplished a great many things in my short life so far, and I have stuck my foot in my mouth on hundreds more occasions. I liked the idea of writing my life story down for others to read, to maybe catch a glimmer of something interesting, or just so that from now on people could laugh with me, instead of at me.
Once the seed was planted in my head, I started thinking about titles to this outrageous memoir. Any self-respecting writer will tell you that you should save the title for last. At least, this is what I hear, and then completely disregard.
"No." I say. I will write the title first. It has to be catchy, something to set it apart from all of the other memoirs out there. It has to compete after all, with famous people, novels, and the latest diet craze or self-help book.
So I sat down and I have the catchy title written at the top of the page. At the top of about 30 different pages actually. This is only counting the 30 copies of this so called draft that I have left. The number of pages in the recycle bin is much higher than that.
The problem is, I don't know where to start. So I ask these people with the brilliant ideas, "Where should I start?"
"Start at the beginning."
That my friends, is a novel idea.
The beginning of the funny stage? The beginning of my clutzy stage? (Oh who am I kidding - that would have to start at birth!) The beginning of high school, where I really started to develop most of the content of this soon to be Best Seller?
Who is really going to read this book anyway? Maybe no one will like what I have to say. Maybe I should skip a few steps. Skip the title, skip the dedication page, and the first and last chapters. I should go straight to market research and advertising.
Make sure people actually want to read what I have to say. So I found this great opportunity: to blog on Patch. I can talk about pretty much whatever I want to, and get used to writing for an audience. (Are there any of you out there?) I find this is easier than public speaking, I don't even have to imagine any of you in your underwear.
Maybe this is where I need to start. So I will sit here and open a fresh page. I will once again write the flashy title to my soon to be chart topper, and eagerly await the flow of comedic flashbacks hiding behind the dam of insecurities.